He's probably the long-time boyfriend that you have spent 7 years with and you're so effin' sure he's the ONE until... life happened, threw you to opposite sides of the world, and you both run out of options on how to make it still work.

Or she was the perfect woman who could have been the mother of your children, but you were so complacent about your relationship that you didn't think she would (can) walk away. You have taken her for granted...

The One That Got Away

It's exhilarating, nostalgic and oddly satisfying to imagine what could have been.

One day, it just feels like you have accidentally knocked down the dusty ballerina box that you have already forgotten about...

And it jogged down memories that should have been safely locked up inside...

So now, you found them littering inside your head again...

And you have your clumsy self to thank. Or blame it to the wind that pushed itself inside your attic when you opened the window earlier.

So you picked all of the littered moments up and as you do, you felt a dull tug on your chest and all the memories came flashing back, even the boxed up pains that you thought have been buried and decayed after all these years...

But I think I'm too old for this definition of "The One That Got Away" (TOTGAs). 


As a freelancing (Arian) mom with a strong sense of self and a bouncy 1-year old, I have a lot of "TOTGAs"...

• The opportunity to work with an industry leader as his copywriter understudy (I managed to win this back though)
• The time right now for authority building (I just feel like I couldn't do anything outside of client work + ME time)
• The artsy business that I have already validated (but the launch? I keep putting it off).
• The premium clients that I know that I can close (but again I don't have the energy or the will to, I feel like I'm pushing them away)
• The hours that come by because the busy mom has the audacity to watch Netflix (well, it calms the voices down)
• Saturdays and Sundays that go by fast because we just doze off the entire afternoon (gotta catch up with zzz's)
• My thoughts that deserved to be written (put this off for years, but I'm back on it this month, thanks to this challenge)
• Baby's milestones and memories that I don't document decently (I should record them properly)
• The small influence that I have right now on Filipino freelancers (a lot of them are asking me how to break into the SaaS niche, connecting with me because I write the TFMT blog posts, I feel that I need to give back)

It sure felt like January yesterday and tomorrow's already the -ber months.

I still have a lot to do. I always have a lot on my plate. I sure have a lot of dreams to achieve.

But at the same time, I do want to spend my days lazily with my son, giggling the day away.

But at the same time, I want to just hang around with my husband once he gets home.

But at the same time, I need to put Him in the center of our lives because what matters more is the afterlife. I still found myself guilty of dreaming an utterly good life on this earth.


Probably, I just need to identify my priorities, my north stars...

As long as I'm doing great with them, I am okay.

★ God
★ Son + Husband (Fam)
★ My freelancing biz
★ My dream client (who has supported me all these years, we're going up)

As for the others, lemme just wing them along the way. I'll just #PakItJustDoIt these things and not let them get away!

And follow Fitz Villafuerte's advice:

That book? Write it.
That video blog? Start it.
That business idea? Launch it.
That goal? Pursue it.
That dream? Believe in it.

❤

Back to you...

In your life, what are the ones that got away?

Let me tell you a sad story...

The same goal in my bucket list for the last 3, 4 years. 

I am sooooo guilty of this.

I have been constant in my freelancing career, but I have disappointed my muse for a long while already.

And I think I do not want to continue with it anymore.

I'm talking about how I want to start an art business. 

And now that the perfect idea came to me. The demand is there. And I have all the tools I need, I will need to push myself harder on it. :)

It's a digital sticker and planner store for busy moms.

I have already created an Instagram page, Conquered Plans Co. and hit 50 followers.

I have already created the stickers, just need to fix the listings.

Here's a sample.

View this post on Instagram

Working on some digital sticky notes... Do you want these? #digitalplanner #digitalstickers #momswhoplan #conqueredplans #plannermom #plannermommy #digitalbujo #digitalplannerstickers

A post shared by Conquered Plans (@conqueredplans.co) on Jul 28, 2019 at 10:05am PDT

But it's taking me a long while. ;(

I'll put my 110% focus on this.

It's a passive way of selling and it's the one thing that I want.

My mentor once said that if you already have a consistent income stream, you gotta focus on money later activities. 

And another boss babe said,

If you have already one job, don't go looking for another job. Build your business first. 

This is me building my business.

I still have apprehensions of starting my own copywriting business for SaaS. I'd rather market myself as an in-house copywriter and marketer and build my connections for now. (That's what Joanna Wiebe did before she went independent).

Of course, I still want to be a SaaS consultant one day, but for now, I want to have a business that I can call mine.

One that lets me stay in touch with the arts. :)

One that calms me. (Being a mother is dang hard. I need a breather).


So yeah.

I'm still having doubts on my plan, but I'm drowning the background noise and listening to myself.

This is the path for me.


📷

(I'm actually listening to the song right now. Listen with me?)

This character is actually from Moana.

Enough with the intro.

I'm here to advise myself on how I can Un-Tamatoa my eyes...

Or how to fight the Shiny Object Syndrome.

Because I'm like Tamatoa in a way.

I easily swim to sparkled stuff and I abandon them even before I could get my hands on them.

I end up not getting things done.

And it's 2019. Most of my dreams are still dreams.

So, here's a list that I'd come back to if ever I feel the urge to grab glitters again.

The Ultimate Un-Tamatoa List

1. Stick with your BIG GOALS, but adjust your way of getting there.
2. Once in a while, check your big goals if they still align with your heart's desires. (See still room for adjustment a.k.a. a little shiny syndrome pivot)
3. Before saying yes to something, ask yourself, "Will this help me get closer to my goals?"
4. Record my results, process, and progress in my digital bujo. Graphs motivate me big time.
5. Remind myself that I'm doing a case study of myself. And I need to make it a good one. Not putting on action will delay the results. Not good for a case study.
6. Remember my WHYS.

Parents and aunts aren't getting any younger. Baby is going to school soon. I am not getting any younger.Baby and daddy would love it if I can spend more time with them.

I was burnt out.

Baby has changed sleeping patterns.

I was chronically tired.

Work became too demanding all of a sudden. 

I wanted to get a lot of wins because I was encouraged by the wins of my tribe members.

But that steered me away from my BIGGEST WHY for freelancing:


To be available to my family, to spend as much time with them, and to make them happy.

So at Q2 of this year,

I'm focusing on family.

And I'm pivoting my plan.

And I'm going to be content.

I was having all these thoughts all of a sudden because of the special weekend.

I get to spend Saturday and Sunday with my family and my husband's family.

My WHYs. <3

And it was the best.

Mom was missing because she's in Ilo.

But the time spent with them just makes me remember why I do all that I do. 

I feel happy that I am able to spend time with them.

That I get to spoil them a little even for just a day. (I used to get so stressed about Christmas shopping 5 years ago!)

Laguna from my side of the family went to visit us and we went to eat Samgyupsal at Samgyup. It's pretty challenging—and a bit unfulfilling—if you have a baby in tow.

How to eat when you're breasfeeding baby and lulling him to sleep?

I think I slayed it.

Husband was in awe of my multitasking talent...

And apparently my appetite. 

Come evening, the family from my husband's side went over to our house. Yay!

His bros are from Manila and his cousin with her 7-year old are from Ilocos. They're actually sleeping here tonight.

And I'm the only one awake again right now. 

Missing my mom who's in our province right now though. 

We're going to a birthday party tomorrow!!!

But guess what who's the happiest?

It was Jeerux.

Haha. He loves attention. And he loves everyone. He even knows most of them na, calling them once in a while.

Pampam baby. 

So we finally signed our Contract To Sell!

I wanted to take a picture of that momentous moment, but as usual, I failed.

I'm just gonna write about it.

Husband and I signed 400+ pages. Took us about 45 minutes.

The Laguna fam was able to see na the model house and I know they're excited for us.

I also do hope that my 2 cousins (who just graduated) and my intern (who helps me take care of baby and helps with some of my writing tasks) are inspired by that quick house trip. And that they're gonna go buy even bigger houses for themselves when the time comes. 

I'm still thinking of what book to give them to open them to the world of (if not freelancing) entrepreneurship.

I dunno how to inspire them, but sometimes I do tell them stories of this and that.

Aaaannnd it's official.

House color is mustard yellow. The fam approves.

F O O D

We just went toy shopping afterwards.

And guess what?

Hubs bought baby a Christmas gift.

Double discount sa Lightning McQueen so napa subo. Haha. We're hiding it until December.

And we hope baby still loves Lightning when Christmas comes. Lol.

Alrighty!

Signing off.

I'm actually thinking of doing some client work even for just 30 minutes.

Let's see.

xx

My mind is full of ideas it could burst sometimes.

It's a beauty and a curse at the same time.

Up side?

• I never get bored. 
• I amuse myself too much.
• I can survive being in the house for days.

But there's a seriousness behind my planning aborts, restarts, and anews. (Did that make sense?)

Anyway, all I'm saying is that I have a reason that's honestly not chameleoned as an excuse. 

Client work is uh-mazing. I love doing it.

But sometimes, I have depleting energy these days. (Baby is at its most gulo stage).

So yeah, I'm willing to compromise. For now.

If it means that I need to prioritize my health, my family, and baby of course.

The plans before are paused.

They're taking too much away from my energy.

So, I'm swearing to stick to only these plans—a.k.a. the shiny new things—until the end of the year:

When my coach asked me what my next plans are, I thought I found my clarity in my answers.

I said I badly want a source of PASSIVE income.

So am working on PASSIVE ways of generating income. For now. Even if it's a little long-term game. 

That's basically it.

And oh, more writing for myself.

I missed it.

Just pouring your thoughts out in a blog post—like the early 2000s—because nobody would bother reading it anyway.

Something like this. Scattered thoughts. Grammar mistakes. Subject-verb DISagreements, I don't effing care.

I write like this in real life. 

I talk like this in real life. 

At least, I talk to myself like this in real life. 

I just wish no future prospect gets to read this because I won't get hired if they did. That's fo sure!

That's why I need different personas online. I have lots of layers. I need to be this for this group of people. And this for the other group of people. 

Know what I mean?

If you don't. Uhm, sorry, you must think I'm crazy.

K.

Where were we again?

Oh on writing freely.

So the thought of just doing something like this for the next 29 days... 

—forcibly (I suppose, I'm a slacker and procrastinator, remember? And an Arian who would go munch on the next gold leaf that my eyes may lay on)—

is like a fresh lemonade after months of milk teas and early morning coffees.

(Is coffees even a word?)

SO yeah, I'm gonna do this until it becomes a bad habit to break. 

📷Keila Hötzel