"Just paint today."

This is what my husband told me today—and practically all Saturdays every week. 

Oh, dear husband. You love me so truly. 

I was planning to squeeze a bit of work, but all my creative feelings are about to burst. I haven't painted for 2 weeks, I guess. I haven't written down my personal thoughts for a while now. I think I'm going to go crazy. 

I think I have been too engrossed in my career lately that I forgot why I pursued freelancing fulltime in the first place. Just to remind myself, it's because I wanted to...

...focus on the Lord by not being too busy. To have a life that is to be lived with a heavenly purpose and not for earthly desires (which becomes sooooo effing hard to live by)

...become a hands-on full-time mother to this sweet little pea who can be a handful these days (the food I eat is gone after 30 minutes of taking care of him)

...be able to do things that matter to me. Like painting. And reading books. And writing my thoughts down. And winding down.

The past few days, though, I'm doing things that I shouldn't be doing.

Yup. 

It's hard to stop working when you're a freelancer. Well, at least for me. Because I'm addicted. And this addiction is not good. 

Doing too much means me being more irritable and having lesser time for baby. Because I'm setting the bar too high for myself. 

I need to 2x my income by September. And 3x it by next year.

I should be a known SaaS copywriter. 

If I want to be one of the successful freelance writers, I should be doing this. that. and that. 

I should start my own copywriting business.

Whatever, self. 

You're doing okay now. He is providing for all your needs, and maybe even more. You have a baby who demands completely needs and deserves your undivided attention. 

You have a body that needs to be taken care of. 

You have lots of people who rely on you. Yes, you need to provide for their needs, but remember that big G will give you that. Don't be too hard on yourself. 

Relax. 

Breathe. 

Enjoy the little things.

Notice the fancy, tiny life details.

Confession: I was supposed to write something else, but this is what came out. 

Aaaaahhhh, this felt good tho. 

I didn't get to paint tonight. My body's aching for the bed. 

But I got to write and unconsciously self-examined my thoughts in the process.

I guess it's time for me to re-evaluate my plans for this year and quit being harsh on myself. 

Writing is truly therapy.